Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Real Talk

Real talk?  I've gained a few pounds in the last few weeks.  I probably added a few more pounds in the last two days.  I went to this two day training at work and there was food everywhere.  Allow me to confess my sins.  On Monday, I woke up early, I ate breakfast, I showed up at the training and walked past the coffee cake feeling like a champ.  An hour and a half later it was 10 AM, lunch was not until noon at the earliest, and I didn't think to bring snacks with me.  Suddenly that coffee cake started looking awfully friendly.  I got a cup of tea and a tiny little piece of the cake at the next break hoping I wouldn't really like the cake.  No dice.  It had cinnamon chips in it.  I went back for seconds.  

Lunch rolled around and I wanted to do better really bad.  By the time I got through the lunch line the salad bowl was empty and the caterers were taking their dear sweet time refilling it.  And who was I kidding anyway? I was hungry!  I strolled past the salad and down to the sandwich bar where I got two slices of wheat bread and topped them with sliced turkey, mustard, and onions.  I also got some chips and salsa.  I have been trying to lay off the bread lately so I felt a little guilty about that and the chips, but otherwise I didn't do too badly.  But then they brought out the desserts. There was a rich fudgie brownie thing.  I don't even like rich fudgie brownies and I still ate one because my name is Ashley and I have a problem.  I am still ashamed two days later.  

By Tuesday I had basically accepted that I would gain weight at this training.  I didn't even pretend to be good when I got there in the morning and I went straight for the glazed chocolate donut.  I wanted another donut, but I talked myself into steering clear.  It was probably a good decision because lunch was basically an epic fail in the form of white pasta and meatballs.  And cheese. There was shaved cheese on the salad (which I actually got and topped with some sort of full fat dressing because that's all they had).  I put Parmesan on my pasta.  And I ate a bread stick. With butter.  And even though I put some of the vegetable medley on my plate I didn't eat it because I was seduced by saucy saucy meatballs.  I knew I was being naughty.  I could not seem to get myself under control.  When the caterers brought out the cookies and everyone jumped in line to get at them, I was right there with my coworkers.  I got a sugar cookie. It was soft and buttery, and possibly worth every ounce I gain because of it.  

I've never been to a Catholic church, but I've watched enough movies to know that after confession you're supposed to pay penance in order to be forgiven for all your sins.  I suppose you could say that I began my penance today.  I went back to my regularly scheduled clean eating and I got in a 3 mile run while I watched Big Brother tonight.  

I wish I could say that I will never fall off the clean eating wagon again, but that would probably be a lie.  But here's what I can say:  after I spent two days eating like I had no sense, I didn't feel good. I felt tired. My stomach was kind of upset.  It was not a good feeling. I don't want to repeat it too terribly often.  Eating with complete abandon was fun in the moment, but like many bad decisions, the repercussions were a b****.  Time to pick up the pieces in the aftermath of Hurricane Hunger. I can't let two bad days derail my whole diet, after all.

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