Saturday, March 15, 2014

Fear of Falling

According to Wikipedia, most humans and mammals have a natural fear of falling, at least to some degree. I suppose I was always afraid of falling from very great heights, but on my first ride after my bike wreck, I discovered that I have a brand new fear of falling from the very small height of my bike. I was okay on the flat and uphill portions of my ride, but going downhill was more harrowing than exhilarating. The reverse was true before my wreck.

To be fair, the gouges on my leg still aren't fully healed after five days and there are still a couple of areas that are a little swollen. When I fell, one of the pedals of the bike came down on my leg. The grooves in the pedal dug into my leg and since the entire weight of the bike came down on my leg in that one spot, I think there was more damage than I initially thought. The area around the cuts looks a little bruised and swollen. I also banged my knee and it's still a little sore.

I'm healing, but the experience has left a mark on me in more ways than one. I rode 3 miles on my first ride back, but it might take a while before I stop feeling like I'm going to fall every time the pavement is uneven or I go downhill. For right now I'm letting myself feel the fear, but as my wounds heal, I'm hoping that part will heal too. Time will tell, I guess.

This week at school has been particularly beastly, and I'm not particularly proud of my food choices. I was in a short course all day today and I wound up getting lunch at Starbucks instead of trying to make it home and back during the one hour lunch break. I had a ham and Swiss panini, kettle cooked chips, and a chocolate chip cookie. The green tea was sweetened with Splenda, but after the chips and the cookie it seemed like a futile effort. 

I did go for a two mile walk after dinner and, big news: I jogged for about a minute. I know that's a ridiculously small victory, but I had my last two physical therapy appointments last week and they said that as long as I was walking without pain I could try doing intervals. I think it's going to be a while before I get back to my former marathon-training glory, but I have hope. I didn't collapse in a screaming heap of pain after I finished my minute, so I think I will try a 1/4 to 1/2 mile interval run on the treadmill and see how it goes. Here's hoping I'll be writing about miles again soon.

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